The New Mid-Life Crisis: Are you Among the Passionless?
At some point in our lives we stopped happening to life, and life started happening to us.
All too often we become victims of habit and complacency. We lose the zeal we embodied as vigorous and passionate youths. Once, we were intent on making the most of our short lives, held visions of grandeur, and had fantastic ideas for our potential. What happened?
It seems as we age, complacency and fear set in. The zest for life we once had dies down and we settle in for the long boring stroll towards the great divide.
Frequently, I see older folks in the gym performing the same routines day after day. No grunting, no huffing or puffing, barely a drop sweat, and certainly no cuss words to be heard. Does this dispassion translate into the rest of their lives? You bet!
We Have Become Comfortably Numb…
With the daily grind of a career, kids, and schedules comes complacency, stagnation, and predictability. There is no need to learn anything new outside the occasional work task, and no need to step outside our comfort zone. We can live peacefully where we are, right? Wrong!
The problem with all this comfort is that we lose the ability to handle discomfort. We lose the neuroplasticity and resilience to cope with change. We become sedentary, fat, and anxious. We start dithering over our insulated life. We are jaded and cynical. We start judging those around us who might dare to start chasing their dreams, or find what really ignites their passion. It’s more than just a mid-life crisis!
Paul Flannery (pfdev) wrote an excellent story titled, ‘Extreme Athleticism is the New Midlife Crisis’ exploring the notion that “extreme athleticism, and extreme sports” are becoming a redirection of life for the middle-aged crowd. Flannery challenges the age-old stereotype that a mid-life crisis means a sports car and a young girlfriend; I agree wholeheartedly.
Who Am I?
Does this sound like you?
I have a job I kind of tolerate most days. It stresses me out, but it pays the bills.
I have a spouse I kind of tolerate most days. I love him/her but we just don’t have that spark anymore, and having good sex is like finding a golden unicorn.
I have kids who I tolerate most days. I love them deeply, but they drive me crazy.
My body functions reasonably well but I’m kind of fat, kind of creaky, and I’m getting old.
I have one hobby that I wish I had more time to enjoy.
The modus operandi:
- Hit the big 4–0!
- Introspect on how your life has gone thus far.
- Push the fear of death back into the back of your mind for a year or two.
- Have an epiphany about reclaiming your life (or get bad news from a doctor).
- Make a resolution to hit the gym and start yet another diet.
- Fail, and repeat step 3.
Can We Reclaim Our Lives?
Changing the script from “I tolerate” to “I can’t get enough” seems easier said than done. I often wonder whether it’s truly possible to break the cycle of complacency and stagnation once it sets in. It’s virtually impossible to go backwards. I’ve even had a client wish that someone could take away their money so that they wouldn’t be able to go out to eat. Talk about a cry for help!
Personally, I have tried to walk the conventional path of career and family, but for some reason it has just never stuck. I always find myself yearning for the unconventional and the less predictable; possibly to my detriment. However, the notion of losing my passion and acquiescing to that long boring stroll is terrifying beyond measure! I’m not the greatest writer ever to put pen to paper; and I’m not the greatest trainer ever to whip a corpus adipem into shape, but you’d better believe that I’m damned passionate about both!
I’m going to argue on behalf of optimism for a moment and say that it is possible to end the complacency, end the stagnation, feel excited to wake up each morning ready to face a new day.
STOP SETTLING!!
When you started your job you had a lot to learn. It was new, it was exciting, and you had plenty of room to grow! When you met your spouse they had that je ne sais quoi. You couldn’t get enough of them! They were so attractive, so funny, so smart, so motivated, and the sex was phenomenal. Now they’ve become a little mundane; maybe your eyes have even been turned elsewhere. Finally, your body as great as it used to be (and it never will be again).
Are you catching my drift?
You’ve settled. You haven’t reached farther. Your job can get better if you’re creative about it! We all know that those we surround ourselves with are merely a reflection of ourselves; your spouse is no different. Maybe you should take a look in the mirror tub-o. You’re not very exciting either!
Have some respect for the gifts you’ve been given and PUSH YOURSELF!
Find what drives you. It doesn’t have to be a huge leap forward on the first day, but you could pick one small thing that you’ve been putting off for years because it’s still out there waiting. One small thing could change the course of your entire life and you’d never know it until you move your tired caboose off the couch.
Newton’s First Law isn’t something you only learned about in school. It transcends physics into real life application. When you stop, you die. Maybe not physically die, but mentally and emotionally die; I would argue that’s worse.
“Don’t be that guy….”
Good Luck and Stay Buff!
-Elizabeth
